Astrology for January, 1997
----Astrology for the Outdoorsperson
----for the walkers-of-the-earth
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
The nasty weather kept you indoors so you succumbed to a New Years party and your mate had to drag your body from the car, through the mud, and dump you next to the wood stove and throw the dog's blanket over you. Well, the flooding rivers are subsiding. Fishing will be better soon. Take your shotgun in to a gunsmith for those adjustments you've been wanting to make. You don't have long to get in a few last waterfowl hunts. Be sure to get a haircut by the next full moon or you might be mistaken for that howling creature of the night. 'Tis a bit bushy, dear, don't you think? Your enthusiasm for being the best and being first and the fastest and always on the move, even in the outdoors, will cause you to leap off a few cliffs you wish you hadn't. But oh, well. You're entertaining!
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
Learn your limits. You can't hunt ducks and geese every single day! It's true the dog has a limited life-span and you want her to fulfill her passion, but she's about to turn on you and tell you to get your own damducks! You've been forgetting to enter trip information in your "Field & Stream Notes" Log. Even brief entries will keep you warm with memories someday. Plan to make moccasins from next year's deer hide as a more lasting form of honor to the deer that feeds you. Make it a family affair to build birdhouses and geese nesting boxes. Taurus is motivated by security, love and money. Your assignment for 1997 is to let go of your intense fixations. Pick the most important of your New Years' Resolutions and make it a fact. It's better to conquer one than to lay wasted from attempts at all the others. Cancel a dental appointment; it will make you feel better.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
I know it's tempting, but it isn't wise to join Doughball-Fishers Anonymous. Just keep this aspect of your personality totally private. Be grateful your family understands. Fishing for carp on a cane pole this way, I realize is a big thrill. People are indeed missing out on some really BIG fish and a whole lot of fun. I used to do it myself, and, like you, I ate the carp too. In Europe carp is considered a delicacy. Squawfish are even greater fighters, but they tend to prefer flashy lures. Squawfish are delicious too. I know, I know, it's such a waste, but you'll just have to be patient. You're ahead of your time (or behind, from another era, perhaps). I suggest you keep wearing those shortie fishing vests with the little scissors hanging from it's little pull-chain and with the teeny flies attached to the sheepskin patch. Squeeze into the snug fishing gloves and sexy tight neoprene waders and classy felt-soled non-slip boots. You'll look great and no one will ever know! E-mail us at: firstname.lastname@example.org for a wonderful carp recipe, though. We'll keep your secret, we promise.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
You could write a humorous book about the things that have happened to you in the past year, outdoors as well as indoors. Though not funny at the time, they could be funny in the writing. Don't imitate Patrick McManus. Find your own style. Still, take a warning from the things that have been happening: "Chaos" is increasing in your life. It is time for action. Write down all your potential choices. Choose only from the possibilities that require only you (not any others for help, approval, or reluctant involvement) to implement. You'll find clues in your dreams and in the quiet places where you go into the hills. Incorporating humor as a force will give you strength. Writing might also keep you from going berserk with cabin fever while you wait for warmer months and better fishing. Can't hurt to try!
LEO (July 23-August 22)
Your idea for a nose-picking contest is a good one. Contact Jeff Foxworthy for contestants. Treat all contestants with respect and they will do well. It's your responsibility to make sure there are guidelines, like booger size limits (nothing under 1 1/2mm), audience control (no participations, just cheers of support), and dignity in the deed (no snot sharing and the like). This will be a unique event. You can be proud. There is no end to the talent in humankind. Your timing is perfect. The bad weather and few outdoor activities this time of year causes crankiness. We need an outlet! However..... you might consider an elk-calling contest instead. Just a thought. Don't feel threatened.
VIRGO (August 23-September 22)
You've carried the white glove test too far. Dust is just dust. You are driving the people who dwell with you in your abode completely bonkers! As the rivers subside in their flooding, there will be some mid-winter trout fishing, at least some good whitefishing, so be patient. I suggest you take a moment here to sympathize with all those Idahoans who have lost their homes and other property to the floods. We at IDAHO FISH 'n' HUNT are sincerely sorry for their suffering and their loss. We hope all sunsigns are helping your neighbors in need. In the months to come, folks will continue to need help from Idaho communities everywhere. Email us at: email@example.com for information on how you can help. Our Idaho outdoors has been devastated in certain areas by the extreme runoff. Get your helping hands muddy! By the way, there is a positive side to the fact that you have ignored most of the good advice given you over the years. You have profited by the valuable mistakes you have made!
LIBRA (September 23-October 22)
Start a calendar of outdoor events for 1997 for you and your family. You complain you don't do half what you want to do, so plan it in advance. You still won't do half of it, but it will be more than you did last year. Life is full of flies and itches as well as the glorious and grand. Take what you can and endure the other with grace. You can start with cottontail hunting or whitefishing, even some trout fishing and steelheading in places. Some crappie and catfishing are available in ponds and lakes. Ice fishing is not safe due to the recent warm temperatures. Watching and photographing the bald eagles along the rivers is inspiring. And, take the kids or visiting relatives to see the deer and elk as they take up residence in lower elevations. Advice: Quit trying to be perfect.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)
I heard about your dog bringing back an unharmed, live grouse after getting frustrated by all your missed shots. Write it down in your journal, or you might forget this humiliating experience. "Of all liars, the most convincing is memory. * Scorpios have a tendency to be obsessed with truth with a capital T. Keep in mind the Circle of Truth: "...truth is not a constant... A concept emerges from the great void as heresy, grows into truth, decays into superstition and returns to the void." ** Hunting and fishing and other outdoor sports are only healthy for scorpios IF the activities help them to NOT take themselves too seriously. Laughter is the only appropriate applause for yourself and your achievements. Not derision, but a simple, unanalyzed joy. As to life's jokes on you -- after the tears, come to a place of appreciation for what you needed to learn. Try to avoid, thou scorpio, the stinging of thyself.
SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21)
Read THE RIVER WHY by David James Duncan. Excerpt: "...And I knew that you don't teach kids to fish by taking them fishing. To take ignorant kids fishing is to take nobody fishing: what it really is is to take yourself on a descent into a watery hell of kid-boogered pools, reels covered with monofilament Afros, heads voodooed full of hooks..." If you haven't already read this book, be prepared to be surprised. It's not for everybody, but it's a wonderful read in the cabin by the fire while nature rages without and keeps you inside against your "tiny, unwavering will." But Sagittarius is like a wild mustang and I think the book will let your spirit fly.
CAPRICORN (December 22-January 20)
Hiccuped giggles afflict those around you because your playful side goes off the deep end. You "slay" them with your imitations and jokes. You are missing a bet,though, if you don't incorporate this ability into everything you do. Always stay in touch with this gift because Capricorns are in grave danger from becoming workaholics. What you want most out of life is status, results, and being useful (Don't we all!). But these desires lead to bizarre behaviors like buying too many boats, fishing every weekend, and inviting friends over for fish-frys during the week, and providing the entertainment as well with your stand-up comedy routines. Fortunately for you, all this interferes with the tendency toward overwork.
AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)
Acquiring 1997 calendars is overdue! You can get one free in the current issue of IDAHO WILDLIFE! Stop at the Idaho Department of Fish & Game on Walnut and Park Streets in Boise. Then stoke the old wood stove at home and enjoy the fantastic wild animal photos by Idaho photographers. We hope somebody gave you an Idaho book for Christmas. Email us at: firstname.lastname@example.org for a list of good choices, and for how to order copies of IDAHO WILDLIFE. By the way, Aquarians are driven by objectivity, originality, friendship and rebellion -- an odd combination that causes them to sabotage their own efforts! They rebel against all truths. "The forbearers of the haves and have-nots were the dids and did-nots." ***
PISCES (February 20-March 20)
Your latest excuse of "The devil made me do it" is getting old. Try responsibility on for size. We know it doesn't fit, but it will through practice and a "vegetarian" diet of facing issues. Hang in there, your friends are rootin' for ya! You can do it! 'Tis a New Year, and all things are possible. For every step forward, you can reward yourself with a trip into the wild where you can renew your spirit. Actually, you are often ready to give, and are true and strong for those you love, but your over-sensitivity confuses you. It makes you an inconsistent outdoorsperson as well. Be steadfast. Cultivate confidence by wearing clod-hoppers in the house. They make a joyful noise. But spitting in the house is a little too arrogant. Never give reasons for what you do. Your decisions might turn out right, but your reasons are usually wrong.
* Olin Miller
** (ZEN WITHOUT ZEN MASTERS by Camden Benares)